it was a very long friday night

i tend to break down every once in a while. i read something weird, a random thought crosses my mind… and i begin to think in circles. it’s as if i step out of myself and start looking at my life from without. you know, you are living your quite ordinary life with quite ordinary problems, and sometimes you just snap. when this happens to me, i sleep. i just curl up in my bed and try to forget everything… i try to think happy thoughts, i try to evoke some happy sensation from the past, or i just try to dull my mind to such an extent that nothing feels real anymore. tonight, sleep isn’t working, it seems. there’s too much too think about to be able to simply fall asleep. but then again, i cannot really describe what i should be thinking about. i lose the ability to formulate my own thoughts – they become these random things floating in my head and i cannot pin down any single one. on such days, the night seems to drag on and on…